3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
