never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
