There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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