so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
