I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My cat gives me a boner
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
