There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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