im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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