Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
