The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
