Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
