and you said cock pushups were impossible
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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