Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
