Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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