I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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