i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
