Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
