bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
