even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
