Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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