My hand turned me down
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
