So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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