Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
love makes seman taste better
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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