ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I faked an abortion last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
pray to the hookup gods
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
