i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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