My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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