It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
