yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
