Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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