just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize