i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
