I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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