When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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