He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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