nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
