We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
