I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize