my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
