Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
