I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
