When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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