Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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