wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
