Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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