Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
