she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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