Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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