I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
