My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
