I am spending my child support on dildos
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm having to shit out rocks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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