i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
tonight lets celebrate not being married
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
