sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What a dumb baby whore.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
