How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
