Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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