I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
