he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize