somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
