This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
