I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
