I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
