she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
