i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
