It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
