i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
