my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
