My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize