i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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