4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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