Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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