i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
