I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
