I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
