you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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