Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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