God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
