The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Panties = found
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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