I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
