You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
