and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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